I was watching an episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” last night and I laughed out loud. I really did. All by myself with no one to hear me. It kind of surprised me, not only because that hasn’t happened in a long time but because I hadn’t realized that until just then.
It means I’m healing. My prayers mean something. Faith pays off. And I can trust my process.
Letting go has been so, so hard. Trying to understand the importance of self-nurture and what that looks like has been a struggle. And I don’t mean splurging on frozen custard or a spa day, but true self-nurture: resting when I’m tired, cooking the food that I love in the way that I love it, saving up for and purchasing things that I really need instead of running up my credit card buying things just to satisfy an urge.
Then there were the trickier parts of this: turning off my phone at night so I get the sleep I need. Taking a whole day off to be a goddess of the hearth. Tackling small projects a little at a time instead of planning grandiose outcomes that will exhaust me.
This all seems like really simple stuff, but I know folks in recovery can take a long time to figure it out and some just give up. So I want to say to those folks: don’t give up. Even when it hurts. Even when you feel stupid. Even when you act like an ass. Just keep going. And someday, all by yourself, you really will laugh out loud.