I’m angry, OK?
It’s the second stage of loss and grief in the Kubler-Ross model. I get that.
Thank God for that woman. She gave me a flow chart for feeling like a maniac.
In fact, I’m so angry that I just Googled it: “I’m so angry.”
I got some hits (ha, about a gazillion. There are lots of other angry people on the World Wide Web.)
Actually, my first Google search was “Help me to forgive.”
I’ve been seeing this meme on Facebook that says, if I want to be a big girl, I have to forgive. Or something like that.
So that search took me to tinybuddha.com and “How to Forgive Someone When It’s Hard.”
When you land on the page, the subtitle reads “30 Tips to Let Go of Anger.”
By the time I read the first two screens I was more pissed off than ever.
Hence the second search.
And that took me back to tinybuddha.com: “20 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Angry with Someone.”
Part one of the lesson here, Grasshopper, is that you need to be all the way angry before you can forgive.
Part two of the lesson is what I call shaking hands with the Devil and introducing yourself. It’s sort of taking the emotion out of the emotion, if you like.
Part three involves working with the other party. This is about navigating relationships. It gets really tricky here if the person you feel angry about is not open to honest communication.
It concludes in part four, which is the learning part. It’s here where, if there’s a relationship stalemate, you choose to end it.
So this is really a pretty helpful deconstruction of the second stage of grief by tinybuddha.com.
But it’s still grief and, as such, needs to be recognized.
Anger is a God-given emotion. It serves a useful purpose.
A workshop I attended once showed me it’s a consequence of pain, part of our fight/flight response, the thing that has helped us evolve as a species.
I have to remember that I won’t always be angry. Next I get to bargain. And I’m good at that.
Then depression: I’m really, really good at that.
But at the end is acceptance. And that’s where I was headed to begin with.
I just need to remember that I’m not there yet. Right now I’m just where I am. I’m angry. And it’s OK.